Come flirt with me.
Post limit [XXX]
I'm fabulous.
OH MY FUCKING GOD OKAY I WAS IN MY BIOLOGY LESSON JUST NOW AND WE WERE LEARNING ABOUT PLANT SEX ORGANS AND WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT CUCUMBERS AND WE MADE OUR TEACHER TYPE “WHAT SEX ARE CUCUMBERS?” INTO GOOGLE AN D SHE CLICKED ON THE FIRST LINK WITHOUT THINKING AND IT WAS A FUCKING GALLERY OF IMAGES OF SEXUAL PENETRATION USING CUCUMBERS AN D SHE SCREAMED AND SHE WAS TRYING TO GET I T OFF THE SCREEN AND I WAS FUCKING LAUGHING MY ASS OFF
i wish i was cute so that i could take selfies and not want to kill myself
realistic captions for selfies:
- i took 34 photos and this one looks the least shitty
- i tried really hard to take this at an angle where my arm didn’t look weird
- i photoshopped a pimple out of this photo and used the smudge tool for like 8 minutes
- i wish i had friends who took cute pictures of me so i wouldn’t be alone in my room for an hour trying to do this shit
- this is the best photo i’ve ever taken please shower me with compliments
im no cactus expert, but i know a prick when i see one
DAH OH MY GOODNESSTHANK YOU SO MUCH :’)
Why did I read this in an accent that was a cross between Irish and pirate
Jack Dawson… Penniless artist who wins a ticket onto Titanic in 1912, attends a first class dinner, develops a taste for the finer things in life, pockets the Heart of the Ocean, survives the sinking, pawns the diamond, spends the following ten years building his wealth and in 1922 moves to West Egg as Jay Gatsby… Millionaire with a shady past and fear of swimming pools.
#how many times have I quoted this in my lifetime #far too many and still not enough
Guys, btw, this is an actual insult
if he calls your mother a hamster, it indicates that she is a fast-breeding rodent— you can get the insult there
and if he says your father smelt of elderberries, well, wine was primarily made from elderberries in the time of king arthur. he’s calling his dad a drunk
more you know
- dont yell at them
- dont say you’re disappointed in them
- dont say “cheer up” and expect anything out of that
- dont ignore them
- fucking talk to them and just be there for them
- listen to them
- but seriously dont yell at them
THIS JUST MADE MY DAY SO MUCH BETTERTHANK YOUi used to do tmi tuesdays in the summer but my followers got kinda mad because i never took them seriously
